Heavy Metal Snape
by strawberry snake
Summary: Snape has a very important announcement at the GryffindorSlytherin match. Remake of Master of Puppets.


Greetings Snape fans. Or heavy metal fans. Or heavy metal Snape fans. This is my first fanfic, so I made it a humor fanfic (the best kind in my opinion). This is your b-day present, Ryan, as you are the person who got me into Metallica anyway. And since I have no money to get you a proper present. weeps Oh yes, this is also for Narri-chan, my partner in crime. And MST-ing.

Disclaimer: And I won't be making any money off this either. You know, off Harry Potter and Snape and all that jazz. As I do not own them. I only own my remake of Master of Puppets by Metallica.

Excitement was in the air as the Gryffindor/Slytherin match was about to begin. Students poured into the stands waving scarves and flags of their house color. Little did they know what was in store for them.

The match was about to begin when Professor Snape walked onto the field.

"Did something happen with Slytherin?" Hermione asked more anxiously than the average Gryffindor should.

"It's the best thing we could hope for," said Ron.

"_Ron_," she replied warningly. "Anyways, what if he is going to referee again?"

"There goes any chance of Gryffindor winning," Ron said sadly.

"Well, there still might be some hope," Hermione replied.

Snape stopped in the middle of Quidditch pitch.

"What's that he's carrying on his shoulder?" Ron asked.

"I believe it's an electric guitar," Hermione said in awe.

Snape looked down at the ground. He fixated the guitar strap around his neck and situated his hands on the strings. Not a soul talked, moved, or breathed. He wailed on his guitar. Then he started to sing:

_End of potions class, all students left_

_I'm every student's source of fear_

_I may be mean, but I'm really a sex machine_

Several girls giggled, while others snorted.

_Hiding it as I leer_

_Hate me you all said_

_stupid greasy-haired git_

_how I hate you kids_

_big bunch of dunderheads_

The Weasley twins ran onto the field and joined in.

_Brilliant spell-caster_

_I am the Master_

_Killed the headmaster_

_I am the Master_

_Master_

By this time the students got over the initial shock. So naturally they started head banging, moshing, and swaying with the tune.

_Master of Potions your senses' ensnared_

_Invading your mind more than you'd care_

_Brewing a potion in my dungeon lair_

_Bewitching your soul with my greasy hair_

_Master_

_Master_

_Just call my name, 'cause I am Snape_

_Master_

_Master_

_Intimidating I am, in GoF I say damn_

_If you're a Gryffindor then beware_

_I am so sexy, in total ecstasy_

_Long black robes billowing in the air_

_Master_

_Master of Potions your senses' ensnared_

_Brewing a potion in my dungeon lair_

_Invading your mind more than you'd care_

_Bewitching your soul with my greasy hair_

_Master_

_Master_

_Just call my name, 'cause I am Snape_

_Master_

_Master_

_Master, Master, I am a sexy, dirty bastard_

_Master, Master, I am the Master of lies_

_Bastard, Bastard, Sirius Black I nearly got captured _

_Bastard, Bastard, I'm glad he died_

_Wander the corridors at night, before I take flight_

_Through the open window_

_Death Eater days, now like a haze_

_Robes billowing as the winds blow_

Snape started laughing evilly, but stopped short when another person walked onto the field.

"Bloody hell, another Snape's walking onto the field!" Ron exclaimed.

"More like running," Hermione said.

"POTTER!" Snape2 yelled. He then whipped out his wand and cried, "EXPELLIARMUS!"

Snape1 dodged and smashed Snape2 upside his head with the guitar. Snape2 clutched his head in pain. He blindly pointed his wand at him. The guitar playing Snape tried to run, but the second Snape was too quick for him. Snape2 tackled him around his torso, thrusting him to the ground. "I knew you were stealing Polyjuice ingredients from my office, and now I know why!" Snape yelled.

And sure enough, Snape1 started to change. Only instead turning into a boy with untidy hair and glasses, he changed into someone else. Draco Malfoy lay sprawled on the ground, Snape still hugged around his torso.

"Professor! What in the bloody hell are you doing!" Draco demanded.

Snape let go very quickly.

"And how did I get on the Quidditch pitch? Did I fall off my broom? Is the match over?" Draco continued.

"Don't play stupid, Draco. I don't know what you are playing at, but you won't deceive me."

"What are you talking about, Professor? Quit using Legillimens on me!"

Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore ran on the field too. McGonagall strained to keep a straight face, but Dumbledore did quite the opposite.

From the edge of the Quidditch pitch, safely under his Invisibility cloak, Harry laughed softly, releasing thealways handy Imperius curse. "Try to one up that one, Malfoy."

Hermione leaned over to Ron. "Ron, didn't you hear one of the verses in that song?"

"No, Hermione. I was deaf the whole time."

"No, it was a specific one."

"If you mean the one about the sex machine-"

"NO. The one about him killing the headmaster."

"Hm. That is rather strange. But wasn't it Malfoy singing?"

"Er, yes, I suppose you're right for once. It's still strange. Well, it's probably a normal Slytherin fantasy to have Snape kill Dumbledore."

"Yes, I'll bet Slytherins have fantasies about Snape all the time."

"Shut up, Ronald."


End file.
